


The Chance's Return

by sherlockian35



Category: Black Sails
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Divorce, F/M, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, post divorce relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-11-20 01:23:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11325750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlockian35/pseuds/sherlockian35
Summary: Prof Thomas Hamilton, a naval historian and retired Captain James McGraw were divorced ten years ago, but they still love each other. His friends and superiors are tired of their prides, their stubbornness.  So they developed a plan, a holiday for McGraw and a retreat for Hamilton, hoping the plan would work.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The next chapters were written, will be updated next week.  
> No beta.

Retired Captain James McGraw’s car suddenly stopped after a short whine and cough at the enter of cul de sac. The rain was hitting on the car’s roof, making harsh sounds. He took a deep breath. He knew this holliday idea would be a bad one, but his chief Edward Teach had reminded him every man needed the charge their batteries, and James had worked so hard for years. Moreover, he could finally find some time to write his thoughts about administration changes in their organization.

James’s fingers tightened around the wheel. He wasn’t a mechanic, he tried to start the engine, but it failed. He wasn’t very far away from the cottage. Just half a mile. He could walk, he would only soak with rain. He could come back tomorrow, and take his luggages from the trunk. James closed his eyes in resignation. He should never have accepted the holiday offer. He wasn’t cut for holiday. James was designed for working, he wasn’t going to apologize for being a workaholic. When Teach had offered some leave and Hennessy gave spare keys of his cottage with a huge smile on his face, he should have known the goddess of luck would not be very happy.

_“It’s only ten days, James. The cottage is in fine shape. You can rest, and write your proposition. I don’t have much neighbours. No one would disturb you.”_

“Ten days is my ass.” James muttered.

There was an umcortable feeling in his stomach. Teach and Hennesy had been friends for a long time. They saw James as a son they could never have. James had not realized until he had found himself on the way with a spare key in his pocket, Hennessy and Teach had been looking so smug. That should have prickled his hair, but James had been little confused about their sudden obsession with giving him a permission to leave for ten days.

James liked his superiors, they had given him a chance to survive. He just didn’t like to walk in memory lane. His right knee remembered itself with pain. He drove too long. His knee was burning and itching as if it had been bitten by fire ants. James was aware of he should have been grateful since he still had a knee. Lt John Silver had not been that lucky he had lost his leg during the same operation which had made McGraw dependent to a cane eight years ago. People usually didn’t know there were still pirates in the seas. Modern day piracy was far too different than the romanticised old days. They had modern weapons and equipments, GPS systems, satellite phones, financial aid from different sources, sometimes governments, even rocket grenades to blow off your body parts. It cost more than ten billion dollars per year for the companies, and there was almost no laws against them. The captured pirates only questioned and released. They could cost hundred thousands in each attack, but they sometimes cost a good man’s future.

James could live with the pain, he was used to living with constant pain for eight years. He just could not bear the fact that he was dependent on a cane for walking. James had always been a free spirited man in his life. He had had seven operations to fix his leg, he had stayed hospitals for months, and gone through painful physical therapy sessions. He did not feel ashamed when he saw the deep scars covered his legs, but he was feeling helpless because of all those attempts failed. Nothing improved the condition so James Flint would no longer being a part of the Royal Navy.

James had reacted badly against the retirement probability. He had never been a man who crushed from desperate situations. Those situations generally inflamed him for more. He had been sure he could have returned to the active duty. James dedicated himself to the strained physical therapies, failed surgeries during two years until the doctors offered he needed more psychiatric support because he didn’t accept he could not qualify for Navy anymore, and he had been shown depression symptoms. The limp was permanent and he would use the cane through his life. Two years worth pain, disappointment, and dedication was for nothing. James had felt himself so tired, weary and purposeless. His temporary retirement call turned into a real one in a week. He had been 36 years old and unemployed. Adding insult to injury, the ophthalmologist said, his eyes started to develop myopia, he needed glasses from now on. He could have drowned himself in alcohol after that, but he wasn’t the type. He hated the cane since he prevented him moving quickly, the glasses...It meant he was older now. Even if he fought hard and determined, his body never would heal itself like in his young hood.  

It had been the time his commander Admiral Hennesy had offered him a new post. James had a valuable experience for fighting against the piracy. There had been an open position in International Maritime Organization. Hennessy had proposed his name to one of his dearest and oldest friend, retired Admiral Edward Teach. James hated to be in someone’s debt, but he hadn’t known what he could have done without the Navy. He had grudgingly accepted the job. Six years later, James knew Hennessy and Teach had saved him from chewing his gun. He liked his job, he felt himself useful and alive.

This was his first holiday in six years, and began with a broken car and rain. He was that lucky.

Walking half a mile under the rain wasn’t easy when his cane slipped frequently on mud. The sky was blanketed with clouds, James couldn’t see the moon or the stars. The clock in his mobile shown, it’s almost three. It was the time when the human body was the most relaxed. People usually would asleep at this hour. It was easy to catch people unaware, burglars and pirates loved those hours. James at least had the key. He wasn’t a burglar.  Hennessy’s cottage settled at the end of a cul-de-sac, surrounding with a little forest. Hennessy was right about no one would disturb him. Maybe, they were right. A holiday would be good for his mind, and body.

When he reached the house, everywhere was in the dark. He was surprised as he saw Chinese lanterns and wind-bells decorated the patio. Hennessy didn’t seem a man who liked wind-bells and red lanterns. His step-daughter Miranda was the most likely culprit. The bells chimed loudly with the wind. James had always had a difficulty to fall in sleep so he was going to remove the bells, or there would be no sleep for him during ten days.

James tried to key Hennessy gave him. It didn’t work, and it wouldn’t be good for his career if someone caught him while he was swearing about his old admiral. Sailors could swear, that’s the fact. His hair on his neck raised as the trees whispered and rustled by the wind. He was sweating under the navy parka. Despite the rain, the weather was unusually warm for a spring night.  He didn’t know what he would do if the key didn’t work. He couldn’t break and enter Hennessy’s house, even if his admiral deserved some damage. James could return to his car, drive to his home and hide himself for ten days, but he was sure Hennessy would check him and he could learn James wasn’t in the cottage at a record time. James sighed with frustration.

It was all sudden, Captain McGraw didn’t understand what did really hit him. He only saw an arm, then he felt the pain in his cheek, his brain rattled in the skull, and he lost his balance, falling backwards badly. His glasses flew away from his face.

James yelped in pain, but he didn’t lose his cane, he swung the cursed thing without seeing anything. It landed on something soft. The assailant was too close to him, James heard a satisfactory scream. Male. He didn’t hit a woman at least. He saw the man moved away quickly.

The man was now standing up next to the door frame. Since his glasses flew away to somewhere, James only saw him as a blur. He was half naked, only wearing a black boxer, revealing his long strong legs. He couldn’t be a burglar. He should have awoken from sleep when James had tried to open the door. If James was to be honest, he impressed by his hook. He’d realized the man punched him. His hand touched his cheek, rubbing slowly. The assailant didn’t move or speak, he was only breathing harshly.    

James startled inwardly as his treacherous eyes caught the fine blond hairs covering those legs. It seemed his eyes did not see the inscriptions on street signs without glasses, but they perfectly saw hairs on some guy’s legs. Well, he couldn’t deny those legs should have belonged to a splendid specimen of a male kind, and strangely they looked familiar. He raised his head to see the face, narrowing eyes. Damned myopia.

 He was taller than him, about six two. Lean, and broad shouldered. Powerful body, fine muscled naked torso. There was a slight scar and abrasion tissue below his shoulder, pacemaker. _Wait,_ his mind warned, how did you know it was a pacemaker? James’s knee was starting to throb after he crash-landed on his ass. To give his devil’s hue, the man was lean, but he had a strong fist. His ocean green eyes darkened as his eyes fixed on the handsome face and realized he knew the man.

“ _Thomas_?” He asked in bewilderment. What kind of a sick twist of the faith? This was going to be the vacation that he would relax. His ex-husband had not been in the plans if he didn’t remember wrongly.

“James,” The guy nodded. His dark blue eyes almost turned black, his jaw set in determination. “Are you alright?” He stretched out his hand, helping James to stand up.

Thomas’s hands reflexively brushed his parka. James’s fingers flexed around the cane. James did not like the fact that something stirred in his groin, which was sleeping for a long time after their divorce. It should be the effect of closeness, or the fact that his ex-husband was still in perfect physique, and he was half-naked.

_“Or...” The sinister corner of his mind snickered. “The last time you had sex was two years ago, my captain”_

James stubbornly didn’t care about the snicker. “Fine. Ow...” He said, rubbing his face. “Why the hell did you punch me?”

“I thought you were a burglar, you bastard.” Thomas replied. He exhaled a shaken breath as he rubbed the side of his hip. “Why the hell did you hit me? What are you doing here?”

“You attacked me! I must ask the same question, Prof Hamilton. What are you doing here? Where are my glasses?”

They looked each other. Their split hadn’t been so amicable. Thomas’s ideas about preventing modern day piracy as a naval historian, and James’s duty in IMO didn’t help their case very much. To his beautiful luck, Thomas was also an advisor for anti-piracy protocols. They usually faced each other in meetings, entertaining other members with their heated arguments. James always blamed him he was too humanitarian for his sake, and Thomas openly accused him, he was a heartless human being who never understood people in need.

Thomas pointed a bush. “I think, it flew there. Wait for a second, I’ll fetch it.”

James blinked as Thomas walked, and leaned into the bush, showing his perfect back. James coughed a little, there was absolutely something wrong in his brain. He wasn’t so sure he would get a concussion from a punch, but Thomas looked so sexy in an academic way with his rumpled golden hair, and the perfect fair haired five o’clock shadow.

Prof Hamilton returned back, extending the glasses. “It wasn’t broken.”

Their fingers touched when James took his glasses, static electric would sparkle in novels, but Thomas’s hand was cold, and he glanced at him hesitantly. “Thank you. Could you explain why you are here now?”

“I am here to work on my next book.” Thomas said, he was irritated. “You?”

“I am on holiday.” James replied sarcastically. “If I am not wrong, the cottage belongs to Admiral Hennessy, he gave me a key so how did you get the key?” James shivered, he was as wet as a rat living in the bilge. His ginger hair sticked to his skull, dripping water on the floor, a little pool developed around his ankles.

“Get in the house, you’ll catch a cold.” Thomas said wearily.

James nodded silently. The inside was warm at least. Thomas closed the door, locked it with a careful move. They glared each other for a moment. James shifted his leg painfully, it became numb.

“Hennessy gave me the key.” Thomas muttered. “I need somewhere quiet. Abigail is on break, and she is going through her I am in the college, so I would do anything I want phase. I am not so fond of noisy music.”

“I know.” James sighed.

Abigail Ashe was Thomas’ foster child. James hadn’t understood why his husband had taken the responsibility of his ex’s child ten years ago. Lord Peter Ashe had been Thomas’s lover before James. That man had betrayed him, married to a woman and had a daughter. Thomas had not shown the courtesy of asking him when he immediately accepted Peter Ashe’s will. Abigail wasn’t considered an orphan, she had a lot of relatives, but Peter had given her custody to Thomas in his will.

They had never discussed about being parents. A few years later, James had finally realized he might have been unfair, but it was too late. He never confessed, however, he had always been jealous of Peter during their short marriage. The man had been a lord, so refined and wealthy comparing to his middle class roots. James’s father was a carpenter, James didn’t go to the their sophisticated and expensive schools. He knew even if Peter Ashe had been married, Ashe had still thought Thomas had belonged to him.

They had frequently fought about the subject. Thomas simply refused to believe in him. It had hurt James a lot when Thomas couldn’t have seen that his dearest Peter had tried to separate them. Abigail had been the last blow on their marriage.

James wasn’t a monster. He didn’t have a problem with her. Abigail was a soft, well mannered girl. She had lost her mother, and then her father. She was alone. The problem was Thomas had been so self-absorbed with his mourn, he didn’t see the fact that his mourning had been alienating James.

James’s fault was he had once dared to say Thomas had not asked his opinion. Thomas couldn’t understand the point was he hadn’t given James a say. Thomas had made a rush decision when his feelings had been still raw. After that, Thomas had begun to think his every move had had something against Abigail. It wasn’t the truth. James had tried to be friendly with her, and he had noticed Abigail had not been so sad about her father’s demise. She had terribly missed her mother, but she had been indifferent about Peter because the poor girl knew Peter had never loved her. She was the product of his duty for his strict family. She had never known paternal love until Thomas accepted her as his daughter.

James and Abigail started to speak with each other when she was 16 and called him one day. It was surprising she still remembered him. They had only lived together for six months. Abigail turned into a nice, and determined young woman. She warned him Thomas didn’t know she reached James. James promised her he would not tell his ex. They had a nice relationship now, they even began to meet after she went to the college, discussing about her future career in the United Nations. However, they never talked about Thomas, she never gave any information about him. She was clever.

When they were married, James had believed nothing could come between them, nothing could force them to split, nothing could hurt his feelings for Thomas, even Peter Ashe. He had finally understood every relationship had its own weakness, there was always a breaking point where no relationship could survive. Realizing your husband had still been in love with his dead lover was one of them.

 “Where is your luggage?” James startled against the question.

“In the car.”

“You can take the guest room. You need to change your clothes.” Thomas’s voice softened briefly. “I’ll find you something to wear.”

James was both tired and frustrated, but he was also worried. He didn’t know what was Admiral Hennessy’s game when he had given them to keys. So he waited helplessly in the middle of the room. Thomas came back to the living room holding some clothes in his hands.

“The guest room is on the left. There is an ensuite bathroom in the room.”

“Thank you. Are...you OK?” His head quietly pointed where Thomas’s pacemaker placed.

Prof Thomas Hamilton was born with a congenital problem in his heart’s electrical system. This system was responsible to create signals for heart beating. James had learned there were additional pathways in Thomas’s heart, causing severe arrhythmia. Thomas had suffered from it during his childhood and his youth. He had two catheter ablation operations, cardioversion in three times. However, they hadn’t worked, his cardiologists had finally offered a pacemaker.

James also knew Peter had left him after the pacemaker surgery. He had used sorry, but my family wanted me to marry card, but James was sure the dead bastard had been a coward, and scared of Thomas’ condition.

“I am fine.” Thomas muttered tensely.

James was aware of Thomas hated to look like someone who was an invalid. His family, especially Lady Hamilton was obsessed with her son’s health problem. Thomas’s youth was gone through operations, entered and discharged from hospitals. It was both tragic and comic since James was warned by Lord Hamilton in their ceremony, he should not have done something to make him strained. Yes, they had also poked their nose into their private life.

James shrugged. “Good.”

His back was itching as he walked. He was perfectly aware of those dark blue eyes fixed on him. James lowered the clothes he was holding to cover his groin even though Thomas couldn’t see the problem stirring beneath the depths. James should accept, this holiday had already been cursed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 In the bathroom James inspected himself in the mirror. His cheek turned into purple, and his eye swollen a bit, auburn strands plastered around his face. He looked drained, but he also looked alive. His green eyes were bright, there was a pale blushing on his cheeks. As a ginger head and being a man who had freckles on his face, pink and red had never been his colours. James pulled out his mobile, he wouldn’t call Hennessy. He simply refused to fall into that trap, but he wanted to call someone whom more rational than the older ones.

A sleepy but nervous female voice replied. “Uncle James? Did something happen? It’s four in the morning!”

“I am well aware of the hour. Yes, something happened. Could you please tell me why your father is in Admiral Hennessy’s cottage? Did you know anything about it?”

Now, her voice wasn’t sleepy, she perked. “How do you know he is there? Oh...” She paused. No one could say Abigail was stupid. “Did you two fight?”

“No. He said Admiral Hennessy gave him a key, and he needed a quiet place. The funny thing is he also gave me a key and sent me a holiday to his cottage.”

Abigail replied hastily. “I swear, I don’t know anything about it, Uncle James. I am on break, and he tries my life to turn into a hell. He doesn’t allow me to invite my friends, he complains about the music I like, whenever I want to hang up with my friends, he sulks and questions me like an inquisitor.”

“He is your father, and you are 21. Is there a particular boyfriend who causes all of these?”

Abigail sighed. “Yes. His name is Billy Bones and he is a Chemical Engineering student. He says he doesn’t trust engineers.”

“Ouch.” James mumbled. It stung since he had a degree in marine engineering.

Abigail laughed. “I am sure he didn’t mean you.”

“I am not so sure of it. Anyway, do me a favour and call Miranda in the morning. I strongly suppose she knows what her stepfather is playing. Miranda likes you very much.”

“What’s in it for me?” Abigail asked smartly.

James snorted. “I won’t tell your father, that young engineer is in his house now.”

There was a terrified silence for a moment. “How could you know?” James snickered as Abigail gave a long exhale. “He is sleeping in the guest room, Uncle James. We’ve only studied our works.”

“Is this the new code word for sex?”

“Uncle James!” James was sure she was blushing furiously, but he didn’t laugh.

“I presume that sneaking your boyfriend into your house when your father isn’t there is a thrilling and perilous activity. What you young people don’t understand, it is also dangerous. You neither know this young man nor his family well. I am sure he’s a good boy, but send him to his house, or I send some tough guys to discharge him. I'm giving you some time until dawn.” James said with a serious voice.

“You can’t!” Abigail sounded angry. James didn’t care.

“Try me, youngling. Think wisely, Abigail. I can only send a menacing guy to ruffle him a little. It’s easy. What would your father do this to poor engineering student if he knows he’s in there?”

“It would be bad.” Abigail murmured. “OK. I accept your terms.”

James smiled. “Good girl. I’ll check you in the morning. Once upon a time I was young too, so you might think you can trick me about the young man’s leave. Do not try to do that, darling. You and your Billy don’t like the consequences.” Abigail muttered something dark under her breath as she ended their call.

James dressed off slowly, he held the corner of the marble sink for balance. It was always so hard for him to change his pants. He turned the shower, he startled as the hot water reached his skin. He rested his hands on the tiles, lowering his head. Although they were divorced a long time ago, Thomas still had a special place in his heart. Prof Thomas Hamilton was the love of his life. It wasn’t easy to forget such love, but everyone had worked against him during their marriage. Lady Hamilton was a perfect example of a helicopter parent, she wanted to treat her son with kid gloves. There was a fine line between being loving and supporting and being hovering parents. The Hamiltons had already crossed this line.

Thomas’s heart condition didn’t help the case. Lord Hamilton had already been frustrated by the fact that his son was gay. If he couldn’t change his son’s nature, he had firmly believed he could have found a suitable husband for him. Well, James had never been in Alfred Hamilton’s suitable candidates list. Lord Hamilton was a conservative, he had been afraid of Thomas would hurt his political career with his liberal choices, and opinions. What they hadn’t realized their son was an adult, and he could have chosen his way.

A couple of years later, after their divorce, it had occurred to James love did not conquer all, and he hadn’t been that innocent as he had thought. He should have fought for Thomas instead of he had gone with the flow. He was four years younger than Thomas. He might have been too young and ambitious to be in a relationship. James had never liked the idea of he had been in competition with Peter Ashe. Peter had always been so smooth to give James an urge to suffocate him. Even if he had left Thomas for a woman, Thomas had never given up trusting him.

James didn’t know whether Thomas realized his precious Peter had worked with his father, and he had been his guardian through his young hood. James had learned it after their split, Admiral Hennessy had blurted out. His ex-commander knew Lord Alfred Hamilton from their Eton days. Alfred had chosen Peter, bribing him generously to control his son’s life. Peter had been faithful the arrangement until his family had demanded an heir.

The hot water spraying around him made James a little mellowed. He felt himself clean and calm. He turned off the water, dried himself with a white towel. James sniffed the towel, it had a light scent of the fabrics left off in drawers for a long time. It meant Thomas didn’t have a shower yet. He knew his husband, Thomas would never use those towels.

_“Your ex-husband.” The mocking part of his brain whispered._

“For God’s sake,” James muttered.

James dressed black shirt and sweatpants Thomas gave him. The clothes were ill-fitting, longer on arms and legs. Thomas was taller than him, but James was stockier than his ex-spouse so the sweatpants didn’t fall down at least.

“Huh, beggars can’t be choosers.” James said to himself.


	2. Chapter 2

The cottage didn’t have a separate kitchen, there was a kitchen island on the corner of the living room. Thomas stood up behind the counter, drinking coffee. James could smell the scent in the air.

“Coffee?” He asked. James took a deep breath as he saw Thomas dressed a shirt. He wasn’t naked anymore except he didn’t wear something to cover his legs.

“Please,” James replied.

“Are you hungry?”

 _We were going to die from politeness in an hour._ James thought. Thomas wore a dark blue shirt, which sharpened the colour of his eyes. There were more crinkles around his eyes, but they didn’t ruin his handsome face, it gave him a more determined and -cough-....sexy looking. He needed a shave, but he was still the most beautiful creature James had ever met.

“A little.” James confessed.

“I can make you scrambled eggs.”

James sat down the stool in front of the counter, taking the mug Thomas filled. “That would be lovely.” James smiled at him.

“So how are you?” Thomas asked as he opened the fridge, pulled out the eggs and butter.

“Same shit, different year, month, week, day.” James said honestly. Thomas laughed in a low voice. “I read your last book. The real life on a pirate ship.”

“What do you think?” Thomas began to whisk the eggs in a bowl. “Give me the salt, it’s there.”

James reached the jar, pushed it to Thomas. He took a pinch and added to the whisked eggs. He had long and slender fingers.

“A bit romantic? What did your father say for the whole chapter about matelotage?”

The strange thing was Thomas never questioned why his ex-husband always read his books, and made comments about them. It sometimes hurt James a little, his funny reaction. Whenever James mentioned he had read his book. A soft smile appeared on Thomas’ lips even if James commented negatively.

Thomas shrugged, he placed the pan on the stove. “As you know, my father never read my books so I am safe. Do you want tomatoes?” James watched him as he melted the butter, and poured the eggs. His moves were certain like an experienced chef, and Thomas was the worst cook James had ever known. Thomas could not cook anything without burning it or giving indigestion to James.

“Nay. Did you see what Charles Vane wrote about your book?”

Charles Vane was the most ruthless and powerful critic in non-fiction areas, specialized in history, and he didn’t need to work in a magazine, his blog could ruin a writer or give him/her a chance to reach the Heaven. Thomas’ last book get hauled over the coals by Vane.

_Dr Thomas Hamilton is definitely a good scientist, he has high and mighty standards as anyone knows him, he is pretty uptight about ethics, and his research, but he suffers from one huge weakness that makes his works wobble badly. His constant beliefs about particular things, he always refrains from an argument or scandalized objects, he never tries to express his true opinions or his real feelings. Because of this, his texts are always too dry and too objective, even in the academic frame. Hamilton wrote a huge chapter on matelots or gay marriage in pirate community and he didn’t write anything about his opinions as a gay man. Nothing. All those pages covered with references, but there’s no emotion in it. I call this as a cowardice. I don’t know what Thomas Hamilton is afraid of, whatever it is, it ruins his books._

Thomas huffed, stirring the eggs. James sighed inwardly as he saw Thomas was using a metal fork to stir. He was going to owe a non stick frying pan to Admiral Hennessy. “He is straight, and he thinks he is an expert on gay pirates? Charles never liked me, we were both Prof Hornigold’s Ph.D students.” The fork made an awful screech on the pan, James startled.

James grabbed Thomas’s wrist. “You are destroying the pan. The poor thing is not Vane.” For an unbelievable moment, they stared each other, and James could see there was longing in those dark blue orbs. Longing for being together, being at home, making a meal, sharing the warmth.   

Thomas put the fork on the marble. “I know. Do I have to include my feelings in my books? Do I have to scream to the world that I am gay, and these are my opinions?”

James didn’t give an immediate reply. “No. You don’t have to. I like your books, and I don’t think they are dry.” He said carefully. “I am bisexual, and I am your ex-husband so I think my opinions have some worth.”

“Yes,” Thomas sighed. One golden strand fell on his forehead. James forced himself not to tug the strand behind Thomas’ ear. “I suppose you are my only faithful and open minded reader in the world. Even my daughter criticises my books.”

Thomas lowered his head as he scraped the meal to the plate from the pan, the scrambled eggs were a little burnt.

James took the fork and bit the thick layer of hopeless eggs. “Thank you, this is delicious. She’s young, Thomas.”

Thomas frowned. “Do you think I am a bad father?”

James was the only man in the world who could eat what Thomas Hamilton cook. He had never complained. He chewed slowly. “You are the only father she has, you may be a little bit strict. Why don’t you give her a chance?”

Thomas sipped his coffee. When he looked at him, he was concerned. “I don’t want to be like my parents, but I want to protect my daughter.”

“I am sure you are a good father, young people needs a space. Just give her what she needs. Listen to her, don’t judge her friends, and put up with her music.”

Thomas bit his lower lip, gazing up James doubtfully. “You are not the one who has to put up with heavy metal.”

James neatly placed the silverware on his plate. He was going to have indigestion. “It’s the perks of being a father. You’ll be a grandfather one day, look at the bright side you would complain about their mother’s taste of music.”

Thomas smiled reluctantly. “My grandchildren would complain about their mother’s taste of music.”

James yawned. “Where are the clean sheets?”

“I made your bed when you’re in the shower.” Thomas said, blushing lightly.

“I...Thank you.” He looked at Thomas, Thomas looked back at him. What was the emotion lingering behind his eyes? James’ heart fluttered in his chest. It occurred to him if he invited him to his bed, Thomas could have accepted, but he wasn’t so sure they were ready for it.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When James opened his eyes in the morning, the first thing he noticed the weather was still grey and rainy. He stretched out under the thick blanket, his day would have started more beautifully if Thomas was lying beside him. James missed his warmth. He didn’t miss the feeling, waking up with a lover, he specifically missed waking up with Thomas. He remembered he always had woken up before Thomas, and watched him while he had been sleeping.

The second thing was Abigail sent him a text to inform that Mr Bones had left the house in the dawn. It was nine o’clock in the morning. It was a late time for James. He grinned as he read the text. Abigail also wrote he should call her when he woke up. He did it.

“Good morning, Abigail.” He murmured.

“Are you happy?” She said tersely. “I think I don’t have a boyfriend from now on.”

“If he likes you, he wouldn’t offend when his girlfriend threw him out of her father’s house. Her father’s house are the key words.”

“Why are you so interested in my welfare? You didn’t want me in the past, you left him because he didn’t leave me alone.” It was a childish attempt to hurt him, and it worked. It hurt James a lot.

He blinked furiously against the pooling tears behind his eyes. “I didn’t leave him because of you. I left him because he had still been in love with your biological father. No one can’t compete with a dead man.”

“ _What_?” Abigail exclaimed in shock. “Peter had never been my father. He never loved me, he never truly loved Thomas. Thomas is my father, and Peter had never been the love of his life. You’re the man. Miranda was right, both of you are idiots.”

James raised himself on the bed, leaning into the bed frame. “I beg your pardon?” He said in anger.

“All of us are tired from your never ending story, Uncle James. It’s been ten years since you were divorced, but you are still pining to each other, both of you are still single, refusing to marry again, still wearing your rings. Is it really that hard? Accepting you two still love each other, and you almost lost ten years because of your damned prides? Do you love my father?” Abigail asked harshly.

“I....It’s not your business.” James suddenly felt exhausted. The morning didn’t look promising anymore.

“It’s my business if it affects my life. He locked himself up in his library, and cried through the nights after you left. I should have been hated you, but I couldn’t since Miranda once said you had done the same thing for months. When you wounded, and you’re in the surgery, he was in the hospital. He cried and prayed for your life. Thomas didn’t cry when Peter died. You were in the hospital four years ago when his pacemaker failed. I saw you, you were hiding in the corner and crying. Have you ever cried for another human being?”

James hardly swallowed the stone placed in his throat. “No,” He whispered.

“Then why are you so stubborn? He loves you, Uncle James. He always loved you. Only you. What are you waiting for? Another war wound? Another failure? I don’t want you to cry in his funeral because of the long gone chance, I don’t want him to mourn for you, realizing it’s too late.”

His heart clenched in his chest as he heard Abigail sobbed a little. “Is it why Admiral Hennessy gave us spare keys?”

 “Miranda said the admirals wanted to give you a chance.”

“Why now?”

Abigail paused for a moment. “Err...There is a new lecturer in his college. Prof Jack Rackham. He is an art historian, he is very flirty, and handsome. He’s so neglected by men for years in the department of flirting. Thomas likes his attention.”

“Jack Rackham.” James repeated his name.

He didn’t know the man, but he had already been hated him. The thought was irrational, but James couldn’t help himself, Thomas only belonged to him with his all tall, blonde and beautiful presence. He knew he was jealous now, jealous of someone who was doing the right thing, flirting with Thomas. James should be the man, not an art history professor. What an unpleasant emotion, the guilt. James had lovers in ten years, fewer than the fingers of a hand. They were divorced so why did he feel himself unfaithful? Because James still kept Thomas’s ring, and Thomas still was wearing his ring. Their explanation was it kept people away from them, especially slimy males who didn’t understand the word no. James never questioned whether Thomas had lovers or not during ten years. He had thought it wasn’t his place. James also didn’t need it since once in a while someone, Hennessy, Teach, Miranda even John Silver absolutely mentioned about Thomas and his surroundings. He just knew if Thomas demanded he would run to defend his honour. When looked at the from this point of view, there was no need to argue, James McGraw and Thomas Hamilton were still married, but they stupidly thought they were divorced.

James sighed, and it sounded too sheepish even for his ears.

“Uncle James...” Abigail said softly. “I know you don’t like to express your feelings openly. My father needs to realize how much you love him, and you need to hear how much he loves you. My father is happy when you are beside him even if you two fight in an IMO meeting. You always start to smile as soon as you see him. You make each other happy. We all are aware of it. The ship is still in the dock, waiting, but none of us could give you the guarantee that it won’t sail away with the right wind.”

“A serious threat from a 21 year old girl.” James half-snorted, half-laughed ruefully.

“It’s not a threat, I am stating a fact.” Abigail said flatly.

“Ten years, Abigail. How could someone overcome such a gap in a relationship?”

“I would do it with baby steps, if I were you. I am 21 years old, I have all the time in the world, I have enough time to make mistakes and amend them, but you are 42. Good luck Captain McGraw.” Abigail replied, her voice was bitter when she shut her phone.

James couldn’t say to her life would not work in that way, couldn’t break her young heart. He should have said, sometimes there wasn’t enough time to ask forgiveness. Every creature living in the mother Earth, bound to the life by a thin thread, a moment between two blinks was enough and at that moment in the past James McGraw had only remembered dark blue eyes.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 “Still raining.” James said as he entered the room. Thomas sprawled on the sofa, his notebook settled on his lap. He was wearing a faded jeans and a light blue sweatshirt, he should have showered since his hair was still wet, and he was shaved. He looked refreshed, and younger than his age. Thomas waved at him, and pointed to the kitchen.

“Coffee is ready, make your own toast. I’ve found a strawberry jam, it’s on the counter. You can use it after spooning away the mould.”

James raised an eyebrow. “Have you ever read the news about why males shouldn’t put notebooks on their laps? Your little swimmers would be killed by the heat.”

“Considering the fact that I don’t have any plan to get someone pregnant, there is no immediate problem about the health of my sperms.”

James shook his head as he walked to the corner. He felt himself relax when he wore his own clothes. His clothes were washed and dried. It’s one of the perks of sharing a cottage with a neat man. They smelled like citrus from the laundry detergent. The clothes needed to be ironed but he was on holiday so he didn’t care.

James opened the jar, and inspected the inside, scowling. “This is not a mould, Thomas. This is soft, furry ball of an alien.”

“You want to keep it? You can give it a name.” Thomas grinned. What did James care about now was he desperately wanted to kiss that crooked grin.

James snorted. “Funny man. If we want to survive for days, we should buy some groceries other than eggs and butter.”

“We can do it today.”

“I didn’t see your car last night. Where is it?” James asked, filling the chipped mug with coffee.

“There is a garage back in the house. You can put your car in there. What are you going to do today?”

“Except shopping?” James shrugged. “I don’t have any plans.”

Thomas’s eyes brightened. It strangely made James’s heart beating faster. That mischievous grin, and happiness gleaming in his blue eyes made James cheerful. It was always enough to be with Thomas, enough to know he was healthy and alive.

Thomas placed his notebook on the sofa. He stood up. “I am going to go for a walking around. Do you want to come?”

James hesitated for a second. “What are you up to Prof Hamilton?”

“I want to show you something. Come on, you are not made from sugar, you can’t melt with a little rain. When we are going back, we could fetch your car, and do some shopping.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

The weather was cool, but the rain wasn’t heavy. It was drizzling. Their parkas covered them, and warded the wetness off.  Thomas didn’t go to the main way, he turned to the back of the cottage. There was a tiny path lined through the trees. James followed him without speaking. Thomas had long legs, and he was energetic in this morning. Everywhere was green, some spring flowers bloomed and gave some colour to the endless green shades.

The new pacemaker was different from the failed one four years ago. It was a tiny thing weighing less than an ounce. More useful and safe. James had searched pacemakers while he had been living with Thomas. Pacemakers were not made for life, they lasted on average of 7 or 8 years. There was always a long-term risk, but the risk was very low compared to its advantages. Thomas had been lucky when his pacemaker had failed, they had been in a meeting. He had felt dizzy, and couldn’t breath in a normal pattern, his heartbeat had become irregular. Thomas had suddenly held James’ hand, and whispered for help while he had been taking a piece of James’s life with his pale face. James had been so afraid of losing him. He didn’t want to remember the moment they had put Thomas in the ambulance, and they had not allowed him to come to his side. James had kept himself hidden in the hospital since Thomas’ family had rushed to the hospital. He had waited, cried and prayed silently until the doctor had told them his pacemaker had changed, he had been fine.

“What are you thinking?” Thomas stared at him, frowning.

“Nothing,” James smiled, looked around the environment. “Here is beautiful.”

“Calm and peaceful.” Thomas nodded. “It would be a good hiding place. Do you see those broken rocks?”

James pushed the glasses up on his nose. “What are they? Ruins?”

“I guess they’re remains of a wall. I came to the cottage yesterday. I didn’t see everything but, there is a little cliff behind those ruins and in the end there is a small lake. It’s beautiful. I went down to the shore yesterday afternoon.”

Once they reached the rocks, James saw the cliff was sharp, covered with loose rocks and hanging roots, but Thomas was right, at the end of the cliff, the opening panorama was beautiful. A little shore and grey waters surrounding with green hills.

“You shouldn’t go there alone. The terrain doesn’t look safe.”

“I am not a child, James.” Thomas muttered.

Their shoulders were touching each other. James slightly turned his face to see his profile. _He is 46 years old. Abigail told the truth, we are not young anymore. The crinkles around his eyes, around his mouth, the silver streaks on his temples, but he is still the graceful man I’d been madly fallen in love with._

Thomas tilted his head, their eyes met. James licked his lips nervously. He wanted to kiss him. He knew Thomas wanted to kiss him too. He remembered their first kiss, how he had leaned into his touch, soft brushing of their lips, Thomas’ fingers on his cheek. James felt the warmth radiating from Thomas. The scent of his aftershave filled his nose. He realized Thomas changed the brand, he smelled like a different man. It was confusing and disappointing. When did he change it? It didn’t suit him, the fragrance was too pale and jaded as if its owner was transient in this world.

Thomas lowered his head, the guarded expression in his eyes made James alarmed. The spell was broken with the screaming of a gull. Thomas stepped back, but his eyes still fixed on James’ mouth.

“You’ve changed your after shave.” James didn’t want to make it sound like an accusation, but Thomas blinked against the tone of his voice.

“Yes, it’s a gift from a friend.”

“A male friend?” Thomas stared back at him, directly. James clenched his teeth when his knee throbbed painfully as if it wanted to punish him for his tactlessness.

“I think the gender of my friend comes into the area that do not interest you.”

“So it’s from a male.” He felt his face was reddened. Even the light breeze stopped, trees and bugs hushed, waiting for the eruption.

“James...” Thomas said wearily. “I have friends, naturally some of them are males, and some of them are females. Do I ask questions about your friends?”

“I don’t have many friends.” James grunted. “And my male friends never give me an after-shave as a gift. It’s not normal.”

“ _Really_?” Thomas said, fuming. “They may not give you such a gift, but they do not hesitate to share your bed. I don’t fuck my friends _at least_.”

“What did you say?” James stopped angrily. His heart also thudded in his chest. He had never thought Thomas could have learned something about him and John Silver. It was short, they were alone and, needed for someone in their lives, an experiment. They finally decided they were more successful as friends.

“You’ve perfectly heard what I said.”

Silence fell between them, James shifted his leg in a restless move, giving his weight to the cane. James wanted to know what was going on in Thomas’ mind. Both of them were infatuated. James felt strained, but resigned. Thomas’ face tightened, looking extremely angry.

“I have nothing to hide.” James sighed faintly. “If you are trying to imply, John and I shared a bed. Yes, we did it. I am not ashamed of it. It was two years ago, Thomas. In the last ten years of my life I didn’t have many lovers, you can count them on one hand and I never even asked a question to you about your love life.”

Thomas paled, trying to smooth the hard fabric of his parka. James knew he was stalling. Thomas always did that when he didn’t want to reply quickly, distracting himself with something.

“Are you asking now?” Thomas finally said, drawing himself closer to James.

“What would you do if I am asking?” The words came out more confident than James felt. James’ face stayed blank, but his heart raced.

“Unlike you, I have something to hide. I didn’t have a lover James.”

His mouth dried, his throat contracted painfully. “Why?”

“Why? I did not want to give up believing...this.” Thomas offered him a sad smile, showing his left hand, the golden band on his ring finger. “And I believe through the years as the man I love doesn’t wear off his. Why are you still wearing yours, James?”

James lowered his head, looking at his own hand, the matching plain golden band. He bit his lower lip, stray red strands fell on his forehead. “I can’t remove, my husband gave it to me.”

“James,” Thomas breathed. He studied the pale green eyes for a moment. James’s mouth was slightly open, waiting.

James felt the warm hand on his cheek, he leaned into the touch, the still vivid memory of their first kiss. He surrendered himself to the taller man. Their kiss was so hesitated, tentative at first but the kiss was also firm and decided. Cool brushing of their lips. James placed his hands on Thomas’ shoulders. It felt just great, gentle and surprisingly simple. They slowly remembered how they liked as the kiss deepened, and the hunger rose. James parted his lips, accepting the surrender. Deliciously dark, and sweet. It had been a long time since James was felt alive like that, Thomas had always been the ignitor, the starter of fire. Thomas rested his hand on James’ jaw, resting his forehead on his.

James smiled, they were breathing little harshly. “You’ve always been the love of my life.”

Thomas kissed him again, more firmly but it was short. “Then why did you leave me, husband?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Thomas speak about the struggles in their relationship and try to find out a way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the late update. I found a horrible plot inconsistency in the unpublished words, and I had to write all over it again when my muse had just been left me.  
> Thank you so much for all reads, and kudos. I also thank for musesandtheirjottings, Epstl , and redwhale for their lovely comments:)  
> hope you like the last chapter.

The question was fair and square. James groaned, he tried to remove himself from Thomas, but he didn’t allow, Thomas’ arms wrapped around him, holding him tightly. James rested his hand on the Thomas’s chest, looking at his perfect face. He licked his lower lip nervously.

“Promise me, you are not going to mad when I tell you the truth.” James murmured.

Thomas stunned for a moment, his blue eyes widened a little. It was hard to give that kind of a promise as he understood James’ reason would be a _special_ one or with a proper naming, an idiotic one. “Well, I promise. I want to hear your problem. Was it really about you were not ready for having a child?”

James sighed. He brushed a non-existent dust particle from the hard fabric of the parka. He could be sneaky, blurring the edges of his explanation, but it wouldn’t be fair. He missed the nights in their beds, discussing the days, planning about the future holidays, shared dream of buying their own house. James didn’t pull back when long and slender finger stroked his cheek. They had usually woken up late at the weekends in each others arms, kissing slowly, thrusting lazily into each others hard members, moving in unison while their kisses had been gradually heating up.

James was versatile, he had loved every moment when Thomas was inside in him, but Thomas had always been the hesitant one. James never forced him. Thomas had been raised to be afraid of weakness by his dictator father. He had already been evaluated as weak since he was sick. His hesitancy had sometimes hurt James a little, but he understood. Thomas had always been afraid of the losing his control on his body, he had thought opening himself in such intimate way could have meant weakness. Surrender was not a weakness, as a soldier James knew it was sometimes leading the path of glory.

They were standing, face to face, Thomas could see the brilliant shade of jade colored eyes. Under the drizzling rain, Thomas felt his heart lodged with emotion. Maybe, it wasn’t a good idea to demand an answer, maybe he should have been silent and accepted their past as it had been. After two years of marital bliss, and ten years of confusing feelings, what was he supposed to do? Thomas had finally realized their one step forward, and a step backward game was not going in anywhere. They were in a kind of infinite loop, walking through the same circle again and again. Now, he decided to solve the problem. Find the glitch, remove it, take your estranged husband back. It seemed easier thought than done.

James laid his head down on his shoulder. It’d been a long time since they shared their warmth. “I thought I was insufficient.” James said, his voice muffled.

“Sorry? I didn’t hear.” Thomas moved his tall body fractionally, running his fingers through copper lighted hair.

James shrugged like a kid caught red handed. He finally raised his head. Thomas’ smile was warm, and sincere but the blue eyes said their owner was guarded. He would not avert his eyes, this was a chance to express himself. If he missed, he sensed there would be hardly another one in the future.

“I thought I was insufficient.” He said firmly, placing a finger on Thomas’ mouth. “Just listen. Abigail wasn’t the main reason, she was the result. I was hurt, because I supposed...” James gulped nervously. “I supposed you still had some feelings for Peter Ashe. I felt like...I was dismissed.”

“What the...?” Thomas bellowed, stepping back. His pale face flushed with anger.

“Thomas...Your father is a Lord, one day you will have the title.” He didn’t care when Thomas snorted. “I am never ashamed of my roots, but it doesn’t change the fact that I am a carpenter’s son. You graduated from fancy schools, even your ex had a title of Lord. You had money, I had only my rank, and my miserable wage. I had already struggled with insecurities about myself. When...when you immediately accepted Ashe’s will, I suddenly felt myself like a third wheel. I was intimidated with the feeling of...my husband, the only man in my life, had still loved someone whom never loved him back as he deserved. You never asked me instead of you assumed I didn’t want Abigail. She was just a little girl. I was afraid of not being able to be a good father, and a partner. How could I have cared two of you with nothing? I was freaked. I was angry, angry to Peter Ashe and you. You didn’t see he always thought you belonged to him even if you were separated.”

“We didn’t need your...” Thomas suddenly closed his mouth, blinking. It was so clear that he was horiffied by his own reply. “I didn’t think... I never thought you would feel obligated to care of us.”

James tensed, it was really strange, Thomas Hamilton who really was a smart and honest man, had never realized his husband might have wanted to look after him, and their child. Thomas’ never ending war against his so-called weakness, his self-exhausting efforts for proving himself he was strong enough had eventually desensitize something in his heart. The anger and frustration hit James like a tsunami wave.

“It wasn’t an obligation.” James hissed. “It was a natural instinct for me. It’s natural for all people in my family. We take care of our loved ones, but it has never been easy. I knew you had money, and everything. Have you ever thought what I had felt when you carelessly said you could pay the rent, and we didn’t need my money? When I wanted to share it, I didn’t try to manhandle you or imply something. I wanted it, since it’s what my parents did through my life.”

“I never thought you’re insufficient...for anything.” Thomas whispered. His emotions stirred wildly as his face burned. A part of him wanted to fight, another part, his ever rational side warned the man who had green eyes and freckles had been so right.

“I could have walked away from our marriage about a hundred times before Abigail came into your life. I didn’t do it, because I loved you.  I knew the moment I saw you something could eventually happen between us, and it scared me, but it also excited me. I knew it wasn’t easy to forget such a long time partnership. You were maudling over Ashe. I wanted to try it anyway.”

“For Gods sake...I wasn’t maudling over damned Peter.” Thomas took a deep breath. They were still standing so close. He suddenly leaned in for a kiss, placing his hand on James’ nape, trying to pull him close. The move was aggressive and surprising, and carefully dodged by James.

“Explain.” James said firmly.

“I was angry with myself because of my stupidity!” Thomas said heatedly. “I’d been blaming myself for months. What had I done wrong? Why had Peter left me and married? How would you have felt yourself if your father had told you, he’d bought you a lover?”

James stiffened. “He said this?” He couldn’t believe in his ears.

“I didn’t do anything wrong, but I’d been so stupid that believing Peter had loved me. My father...no my family...treated me like an invalid through my life. They tried to control everything around me. In his eyes I was so...sick and fragile that they thought I should have been in their control. James...” Thomas sighed a little. “I didn’t want to be alone in my whole life, I thought I would be alone, no one would ever want me because I was so sick. I never believed Peter would catch me if I fall. I just tried to believe his love. When you were in my life, I _know_ you would catch me if I fall. I always felt myself safe beside you. Do you know what was so hard for me after Peter’s marriage?”

“What was it?” James asked gently.

“Realizing that I never loved him? Peter was my learned helplessness. Why had I been so stupid, James? Why had I been believed he loved me?” His voice cracked at the end.

“Because you need his love. It’s different for me, Thomas. I am coming from a loving and dotting family. I’d already been known what love should like to be. I don’t want to be look heartless, but why did he give Abigail’s rights to you?”

“I didn’t realize Peter was also jealous of me, he was jealous of my future, my connections. Peter hated himself, James. He hadn’t got enough courage to challenge his father. If he stayed with me, he could have had everything. I wanted a baby. I wanted something more serious between us. Abigail should have been our child. Peter tried to hurt me, and he used his own daughter.”

James’s expression on his face got serious. “We never talked and ruined our marriage. I felt myself like an idiot.”

Thomas laughed, watching him closely. “I love you.”

James gulped nervously. Those words were so dangerous, and yet so beautiful. His heart fluttered in his chest. His eyes teared up a bit. “Do you think it’s too late for us?”

“No, I don’t think it’s too late for us. We can try, James. Do you still have some feelings for me?”

“I love you.” James said simply, the words didn’t tangle in his mouth. “I’ve always loved you. Only you.” James kissed Thomas’s chin, pressed his face into his neck. He wanted to wrap himself around his lover, curled up in their bed, laid in each others’ arms.

Thomas smiled, his dark blue eyes looked at James warmly. “Are we going to try, James McGraw-Hamilton?”

“Yes.” James breathed, checking his watch. “Thomas Hamilton-McGraw. I don’t want to start with an argument, but we should talk about our surnames.”

“McGraw-Hamilton.” Thomas said in a firm voice, but there was a trace of laughter in it.

“Hamilton-McGraw.” James made an impatient gesture with his hand. Thomas gave him a crooked smile.

Thomas paused, breathed deeply as he leaned forward to steal a kiss from James. Their kiss was warm, and promising as James answered, kissing him back. It was so good, feeling James’ presence in his arms. James smiled as they separated. There was a short pause, a strained moment when two adult man felt themselves like clumsy teenagers, Thomas placed his hand on James’ belly. A flickering smile appeared on his lips. It was a silent invitation, and James suddenly realize he still didn’t know how he would respond. He wanted Thomas back in his arms, but he unconsciously stepped back a little. Thomas frowned. At the end of ten years of agony, it was harsh to understand he was scared, and confused instead of he should have been ready for the next step.

“What’s wrong?” Thomas asked, slowly.

“I...” James blinked. “I am scared. I don’t know know why I am feeling like that, but I am scared.”

“I know. I am scared too, James.” Thomas replied honestly. “We don’t have all the time in the world.”

James winced, he remembered what he thought when Abigail’s had been declared she had all the time in the world. James shook his head, trying to clear his mind. The rain was still lightly pouring into the Earth. English weather. James could see the defiant angle of Thomas’s chin. They were not young anymore, how long they would have? Forty years if their health would allow? Time always flowed quickly. Ten years passed in haste. One day in the far future, he would open his eyes in an empty bed, and there would be no chance to have Thomas back.

For a moment James didn’t move, eyeing his husband. It was also the moment, retired captain realized Thomas Hamilton had been consumed all of his own courage, he was tired and the table turned to James McGraw. James smiled, holding the hand waiting on his belly.

“But we can try, can’t we?” James asked. Thomas nodded, his beautiful lips twisted for a smile.

The clouds were still dark, hung on the air in a despairingly low attitude, however, James thought the scene was glorious. He could smell the scent of fresh grasses, a small hazy fog was waving above the lake surrounding by the shades of green. It was strange, but it seemed like all those trees bent over, giving them a little privacy, protecting them from a unwanted audiences.

“The town...” Thomas said suddenly. “It is half a mile away in that direction.”

“Let’s explore.” James said softly.

The ruined wall was long lined. They followed the crumbled stones to the south, the pathway narrowed into a muddy line to the direction of the town. James liked the scene, and the challenge. It was hard to walk on the slippery mud. He wasn’t afraid of falling. Something changed between them. He had not been feeling angry when Thomas held his elbow. He stopped for a breathing, looking around. He picked up a small rock.

“Floodwater.” James said finally.

Thomas turned his head. “Sorry?”

“This wall...was destroyed by floodwater.”

“How do you know?” Thomas stared at him.

“Engineer.” James grinned, and Thomas snorted in reply. “Well...water is not an innocent natural force, it has a real destructive power when it wants. I think here is an old river bed. Do you see the rock in there?”

Thomas narrowed his eyes, James pointed a large rock beside the cliff. “So?”

“It’s an alluvial deposit. There was a huge water in sometime here.”

Thomas glanced down at the James. “I don’t like engineers.” His voice sounded annoyed.

James laughed at his reaction, his pale green eyes shone mischievously. “What about me?”

“You are lucky. I like you.” Thomas huffed.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

James was someone who liked to obey the rules. Thomas was not. He was naturally a curious man, and a rebel was living under his calm demeanour. Because of his officer background, James was more silent and observer than his husband. He had noticed a long time ago, whenever they went somewhere crowded, people stopped to talk and heads turned for staring at Thomas. It was a weird situation having someone whom so good looking in your life. The town wasn’t an exception, people looked at his Thomas. His husband. Thomas was a gentleman, he smiled or nodded everyone as if he had known them for years. He gave James a brillant smile, he was happy.

“I am hungry.” James murmured as they reached the main street. The sky covered with gray clouds, but James’ inner clock said it was almost noon.

“Fish and chips?” Thomas pointed a building with a small signboard.

The inside of the pub was warm and quiet. There were a few of patrons in there. James noticed casual stares. Neither James nor Thomas liked showing their relationship publicly. In fact, Thomas firmly believed that any relationship should not be displayed in public, insufferable roots of restricted childhood. James also didn't like to announce his relationship, but he was a human. He sometimes wanted to display that beautiful man was his. Whenever they had gone to outside, James had slowly used to see, men and women, both genders fancied him. James secretly enjoyed the feeling. Some men didn't like when other people fancied their lovers. James realized a long time ago, it had been good on a man's pride.

Thomas aged well, those laugh lines didn't affect his chiselled features, they gave him a matured, self-confident handsomeness. However, beneath the hard lines of age, his boyish look was still living. Thomas was passionate regarding to his job, James wasn't different. It was the reason of their continuous clashing.

James knew they were good matches. He couldn't live with someone who didn't have any passion or beliefs in their life. The corner of Thomas' mouth curved upward. Everyone in his husband's life learned Prof Hamilton loved local pubs, and their greasy chips and fishes with a beer. He liked to chat, listening old men' babbling about the saltwater monsters or the treasures hidden in there. It was interesting, since Thomas had a title, and people could assume he liked refined drinks. Thomas Hamilton was a beer guy while James preferred rum and whiskey just like another fellow sailor.

His interest of course did not always end in good. James clearly remembered the madness including a crazy woman with a shotgun, an elephant and map of a wreck site in Bali, a few years ago. It was hard to jump rooftop to rooftop when you are a cripple. If he was to honest, he had loved every moment, he had loved the adventure. When they had finally reached their ship, Thomas' crystal laugh echoed as he had shown the map that he had stolen from the elephant. James had thought he had enjoyed watching Thomas laugh, _a lot_. He marveled the fierce sparks in his eyes, he loved to watch his perfect, long pale neck. He lived for bickering in meetings. It had been also a team effort, trust and belief in each others skills.

James had realized he had been goner at that moment. He would never have another lover in his life because of this lanky man. No one could fill the indecipherable need in his life like him. It was strange, scary and somehow so delicious. First years of their relationship it had been confusing, later in their voyage in life, it turned into an intimating, endearing and sometimes exhausting experience.

When James breathed lightly, Thomas caught his gaze, shooting him a dazzling smile. The taller man had an irrational talent to sense James' thoughts. It was disturbing, but his smile undoubtedly arousing.

James startled as his cell phone buzzed. He frowned while he read the message. He raised his phone and showed the screen. “New age wedding invitation.”

Thomas leaned into screen, puzzled. “What?”

“One of an idiot from my cousins tribe, she sent her wedding invitation via messaging application. How nice?”

“Are you sure it is for you?” Thomas narrowed his eyes to see the screen. “If I am not wrong your name is not Julia McGraw. Is she trying to imply something?” Thomas seemed bit angry.

James shrugged. “She doesn't have enough IQ for that. Besides, we have a cousin named Julia, in fact I have a lot of cousins whose their names start with J. The idiot's name is Jessica. I never liked her anyway. I think this age is goodbye to the manners age.”

“This age is goodbye to the privacy age.” Thomas corrected. “Let's sit.”

James gave their orders. He ordered ale for both of them, surprising Thomas. One thing never changed, James was a sailor and he was eating and drinking like a sailor. Thomas' blue gaze dropped on the waitress. She tried to look nonchalant, but it's clear she was wondering what those gentlemen were doing in their small facility. Her cheeks blushed when she caught the stare. James smiled at her reaction. She was young, might be an university student, working in spring holiday. James popped a fish into his mouth.

“She could misunderstand your stare.” James said, chewing thoughtfully. The fish was tender, the taste of salt and vinegar exploded in his mouth. He closed his eyes in appreciation for a moment.

Thomas shrugged, giving a tired grin at his husband. “She probably is the girlfriend of the bartender.”

“Oh, you mean the young man who stares at you with inclinating murder?” James chuckled. “Why did you look at her by the way?”

“There is only one earing on her ears. I guess she lost the other one and she has not realized yet.”

James frowned. “Maybe she's just wearing an earring so many young people doing it nowadays.”

“It seems like an heirloom, an expensive piece or she doesn't know she is wearing diamonds. If I were her parent I wouldn't allow her to wear it in such a public place.”

“Are you sure?” James looked at her now from his vantage point of their table. Where were his glasses whe he needed them? She suddenly turned to the bar, starting to speak with the bartender.

Violet didn't feel like she could put up with her boyfriend Peter today, but she liked the handsome blond's gaze. Peter had been set his jaw, his eyes flashed in anger. She was a geology student. She was surrounded with boys, not real men like the blond and the finest sample of ginger brotherhood. Peter was her boyfriend since the middle school. They shared a lot, however, Violet sensed her choice for university grade was making them estranged slowly in these days. Peter would inherit his family's farm so he went to the agriculture faculty. He didn't know what he would do with a wife who had a degree in a department restricted her options. The problem was Violet had already been realized his opinions.

“Old perverts.” Peter hissed. Violet rolled her eyes.

“They are not that old, Peter. They are not perverts either.”

“Really?” Peter said sarcastically.

“Peter...” Her voice was impatient. “Don't you see...no you don't see as usual.”

“What the hell does it mean?” Peter replied in anger. “I saw his _stare_.”

“But you didn't see how he looked at the other guy, Peter.” She pointed the truth politely.

Peter paused for a moment, he was at least had a sense to seem sheepish. “Oh,” He muttered as the penny latched on.

“She said something about us to him.” Thomas murmured, corners of his mouth curled in amusement. “He looks horrified.”

“All about is fair play in love and war.” James said breezily, sipping the last drops of his ale.

“You think so?” Thomas raised an eyebrow. “Do you have a detailed examination on the subject mon capitaine?”

“You are a historian. I am basically an officer.”

“This is where the things are usually getting arguable for us.”

“You like arguing with me.” James shrugged.

“Should I tell her she lost her earring?” Thomas seemed worried. “I do like arguing with you, because I find you very charming and intelligent in the process of arguing.”

They stared each other, and then they relapsed into a hopeless laughter.

Violet knew what she was feeling, envy. She was envious. She wanted to be that comfortable in her skin. They were grown men, knowing what they could do or what they could not. Violet lived in a world where the men firmly believed useless major for a woman. Her own family didn't understand her, her boyfriend hoped Violet would change her subject for the sake of their future. She really wanted to be like them. Self-confidence with a touch of personal sarcasm. What was wrong in her life? Deep in her heart, Violet knew it. Superficiality. Her relationship was shallow even if she had been together with Peter for years.

Those men didn't place their mobiles on the table, not toying with those infernal meddlers as they spoke. They didn't check the social media, their messages, or the e-mails. They were speaking. The way they look each other, it was different because they _saw_ each other. The depth of their feelings didn't need fraudulent praises. Affection, adoration and the trust. It was quiet, but evident. They were relaxed, enjoying their conversation and their drinks, enjoying the short pause in their life. When did the last time, she and Peter had been spoken without interrupting of an awful silence?

The ginger drank his lukewarm beer, almost emptying the glass. He was eating, and drinking like a man who had drunk in shabby places in his life. His blond companion seemingly tried to catch his pacing, but he was going to fail. Violet smiled inwardly. They were an interesting samples of the opposites attract case. The blond Greek God had very precise elegant moves. His style of eating, the way he used utensils. He was coming from a higher class than the other one, obviously.

Violet suddenly thought “Uh oh,” She could see the ginger fixed his pale green eyes into blond's neck while he was drinking. He threw his head a little back, it was a kind of invitation.

Thomas also noticed James's gaze. He slowly downed the empty glass, lips quirking. “Something on my face?”

James shifted slowly. He coughed. “You are beautiful.” He whispered, his voice was barely audible.

Thomas looked astonished, and James felt weird as he sensed his husband had really been surprised against the words. He frowned. “You _really_ don't know...Oh God...Thomas you are the most beautiful man I've ever met in my life.”

Thomas opened his mouth, then he gave up. His cheeks almost turned into beet red. “I....I don't think so, but thank you for the compliment.” He said finally. He didn't want to squirm as James basically pinned him with the pair of his ocean colored orbs. Thomas gave him a wobbly smile.

“It's not a compliment.” James said steely. “It's the truth.”

James suddenly felt himself sick. He hadn't been realized in years how this gorgeous man was so emotionally insecured and inexperienced regarding life. Once, James was not proud of himself but he had thought Thomas had been so vain to ruin their relationship. He had never understood that Thomas had needed someone to feel himself functional and secure.

James was hesitant at first, he couldn't guess what Thomas would do if he touched his hand. The inner struggle defeated against the fact that the man was the love of his life. His hand barely touched the slender fingers, but it was enough for Thomas.

They drank and ate their meals, and talked for an hour, enjoying themselves. It was comforting. James was intentionally avoided to talk about Abigail. He wasn't so sure how he would explain to Thomas, his ex-husband and his daughter had been known each other for a long time. Thomas slowly twirled the glass on the table.

“Why me?” He asked in a sudden.

“Pardon?” James said absentmindedly, staring at the outside.

“Why me? Why did you choose me? You could have anyone you wanted, you could have had someone better than me.”

James turned his head. “Define better.” He replied, arching an eyebrow.

“Someone healthier.” Thomas murmured.

“Thomas...Health is a relative subject. I've met a lot of people who were in a very good physical condition, but they were emotional wrecks. Were they healthy? I don't think so. I chose you because you're the strongest man I've ever seen.”

“I am not strong.” Thomas bit his lower lip.

“You are. People are generally mistaken strength with fitness. It's a lie. I've already learned my lesson. Strength is in here, Thomas.” James tapped his finger to his temple. “I know it is frustrating having barriers in life. Ask me. I don't like being dependent on something for walking. When I was in therapy center, I saw amputee veterans who had been finest examples of health in the past. They were chosen by the military because of that. Some of them were dedicated themselves to live again, but some of them were...the light had been gone from their eyes.” James sighed.

James startled when Thomas held his hand, squeezing lightly. “I am sorry.”

“I didn't want to be one of them. They had been living, but they had already been dead inside. I've your photograph in my wallet.” James said boldly.

“My...what?” Thomas surprised.

“My superiors, my close friends knew about you, but it's not easy. So much hypocrisy, so much bigotry or discrimination. You don't believe how we treat our courageous men and women. The society is heartless, those men and women had lost their limbs as the price of war, when they came home people even the loved ones made them feel invisible like they had never lived.”

Thomas folded his arms, the freaking awareness of he could have lost James settled in his mind heavily. “I wish I could be brave, and been there for you. I was afraid you didn't want to see me.”

The taste of the memory was bitter, but James smiled anyway. “The therapy center was composed by wards. Twelve beds in each. My bed was at the end, next to the wall. I pinned your photograph onto the wall. I showed it to every fucking one in the hospital. I told them the man in the photo was the love of my life, he had a funky heart, but he was so brave, attractive, complex and smart man, I loved him so much. They finally kicked me out, their reason was I was too cheerful for my sake. They didn't like me because I didn't want to submit into a misery. It was a liberating experience.”

Thomas inclined his head, he was stunned, his chest was tight with mixed emotions. The feeling was unpleasant. He was angry that James had faced such a treatment. “You are a good man, and I abandoned you. I should have been there...for you.” Thomas said quietly. He flashed a sorrowful smile that almost stopped James' heart.

“I did the same thing.” James reminded in a low voice. “The photograph, it is still in my wallet.”

“I want to show you something.” Thomas pulled his leather wallet out. He took small folded paper from inside and placed the table. James extended his hand, reaching the paper. He was surprised when he unfolded the paper.

“ _Love you, always. James.”_

“What is it?” He asked lightly.

“You didn't remember.” Thomas shook his head, amused. “It's the only note you've ever written to me. I'd found it under my pillow after we fought about how to fillet a fish. First serious fight in our marriage.”

“You hate cleaning a fish. You always forced me to do it. So why did we fight about it?”

“Because...” Thomas suddenly sighed. A rueful smile appeared on his lips. “I didn't like the fact that I didn't know how to change a tire or fix a tap. You knew everything and it made me crazy.”

James couldn't give reply since his mobile shrilled. He blinked when he saw the caller was his mother. His heart skipped a beat, Mary McGraw rarely called her children. “Sorry. I have to answer. It's mom.”

Thomas nodded. He watched James with concerned eyes as he walked out to the outside.

“Mom? Did something happen?” James asked nervously.

Mary McGraw had a soft voice, but James knew her voice could be so cold to scare him. “Is it true, James?” Oh God, her voice was ice cold.

“What are you asking mom?” James bemused.

“Miranda told your sister you're getting together again with...” She coughed. After their divorce, Thomas had found a privileged place in his mother's black list. She didn't mention Thomas' name in the last ten years. Interestingly, his father didn't have a negative reaction against Thomas.

James stiffened. Damn Miranda and her loose lips. Loose lips sink ships. It's the truth.

“Yes, we're together again.” James chagrined, both of them could play the ice cold game. He was her son after all.

“Why?” The question was so simple, yet incredibly complicated.

“Why not? I've been in love with Thomas for years. His name is Thomas by the way, you can say it, it won't bite.”

“What happened to the John? I've thought you're with him.”

“Mom...” James felt exasperated. “John is my friend. We've never been together.”

James stood in the entering. He leaned to the brick wall as Thomas watched. The cloudy expression on his face screamed he was irritated. Thomas had already known McGraw matriarch didn't like him. Miranda was their common friend, and she had been the source of first hand information on James' life. It's how Thomas had learned Mrs McGraw was partially fond of Lt John Silver. Thomas had never met the man, but he was the thorn in his side. Thomas signaled the waitress for another ale.

“Why do you start over with him? When did this happen?” James recognized the signs, she was preparing to play I am your mother and I am sad because of you card. It rarely worked on James.

“It's new.” He said shortly.

“What if...what if he would upset you? Your relationship was not a healthy one. I don't want to see you heartbroken again. It hurts your family. What if he would leave you _again?_ ”

“I left him.” James corrected. “Mom...I am not perfect, neither Thomas. If we would have spoken with each other ten years ago, everything could be different. Are you trying to make me angry?”

“I don't want you to go through the same destructive path. That's all.” She exhaled a suffering sigh.

Mary was prone to turn everything into a drama. James' problem was she held on her grudges too long and James took this unchallengeable skill from her. It could cause unnecessary distress for people in their family, including Thomas.

“If we'll go through the same path, it would be our mistake. Are you not the one who always says children can not learn without making mistakes?”

Mary laughed bitterly. “ _Touche_. I love you, James. I want you to be happy.”

“That's good, because I love you too. Jessica sent me an invitation for her wedding. Should we go even if my name is not Julia McGraw?” The mockery was so clear that Mary snorted.

“Don't underestimate her. She's smarter than she looks. Her mother and Julia's mother didn't speak with each other for years. She could say I sent your invitation to wrong address, but I sent it anyway. Why don't you send it to Julia? We don't want the invitation to be lost, do we?”

James cackled. “Sneaky.”

XXXXXXXXX

Violet touched her ear with a reflex move. Their handsome patron was an excellent observer. He asked about her earring. She shrugged. “It was my grandmother's. She had lost the other pair.”

Thomas smiled at her. “Do you know it is an antique?”

Violet blinked. “An antique?”

“It's from Georgian era, circa 1715.”

“How do you know?” She was surprised.

“My friend has a similar one with sapphires. What is your name?”

“Violet Watson.” Thomas extended his hand, Violet thought the situation was really strange but she shook his hand anyway. She could feel Peter's laser stare at her back.

“Thomas Hamilton. Nice to meet you. It's an expensive piece, Violet. If I were you, I would not wear it so openly.”

Violet frowned. “Are you sure?”

“My friend's earrings are worth for 10K. Yours chipped a little, and the lack of other pair. It could worth 4500?”

“Oh, God.” She muttered slowly, her face was paled.

She also felt uncomfortable, her family was a stable middle class for ages. Violet didn't know how her grandmother owned such an expensive jewellery.

“Was there a captain in your family in the past?”

“Why?” She startled. “I don't think so.”

James saw Thomas was finally speaking with the waitress. He sighed inwardly. She looked as if she's in pain. Thomas had the passion of an interrogator when he had something in his mind. James assumed it came from his academic root. He was sometimes unnecessarily a curious man. James walked towards their table. Thomas' eye shone with excitement. He made a gesture, pointing the young waitress.

“This is Violet, James. I like to introduce my husband, James McGraw.”

She seemed relaxed slightly. James took a deep breath. He was sure the poor Violet and the bartender supposed Thomas was hitting on the girl. It would not be look good if he broke some bones with his cane, but he could do it for Thomas.

“Nice to meet you.” James muttered as he sat down.

“Likewise.” She smiled shyly.

“Is he pestering you about the earring?” He asked nonchalantly.

Thomas shook his head. “I am not pestering her. Could you please look at her earring closely? Please, sit down Violet.”

She was hesitant, throwing a glance at Peter. His face was blank. Violet felt herself very angry. Peter was a stubborn bastard, but she could be an annoying geology student if she wanted. She sat down with a huff.

James leaned little to investigate her earring. His breath suddenly caught in his chest. He turned to Thomas in disbelief, his husband was grinning wildly. James raised an eyebrow. “Shit.”

Thomas laughed. “Big shit. It was belong to her grandmother.”

“What is happening?”

James inhaled a harsh breath. “Young lady...You are wearing an item coming from a pirate' treasure.”

Her eyes widened, her hand went to the jewellery. “Pirate treasure?”

“Did you know anything about the golden age of piracy” Thomas asked. She shook her head in silence.

“There was a pirate, Charles Vane, he was vicious and heartless but he was an intelligent man. He had a tumultuous relationship with a woman named Eleanor Guthrie. Eleanor was married to Woodes Rogers, the governor of Nassau whom he hanged Vane at the end.” Thomas said.

“She was married to a man who killed her lover?” Violet exclaimed.

“She was a bit self-centered woman.” James added, trying to be helpful.

“Charles gave some jewelries to his friends and Eleanor. Two pairs of earrings, a ring and a bracelet. The legend says those pieces were the key of his hidden treasure.” Thomas said happily.

“Who are the other owners of those jewellery?” She listened Thomas very carefully. She was curious.

“As I've mentioned, my friend, Miranda has a pair. Vane's line didn't extinct, it continued by his bastard child. His namesake descendant Charles Vane is a naval historian and he is living in London. He has the ring. The bracelet is in a naval museum in Spain. You have the Eleanor's earrings, but it's a shame one of the pair is lost. Pirate Vane was a beautiful, brilliant and tormented man. The modern Vane was just a piece of shit by the way.”

“Thomas is a naval historian too, they are arch-enemies. He is not that bad.” James winked, Violet giggled as Thomas grimaced.

“So could you find the treasure even if one of the earrings is lost?”

James smiled against her naivete. “Everyone had already been discovered where the treasure is hidden, Violet. Finders are not always the keepers, especially regarding to shipwrecks. The shipwreck is in the US territorial waters. Claiming would be a debatable one.”

“Could the shitty Vane claim his ownership?”

Thomas huffed. “Shitty is a correct term to define him. It's in another country's territorial waters and the owner was a pirate. It's a huge risk.”

“Oh,” Violet disappointed. She stood up. “But, it would be a great adventure, wouldn't it?”

James's lips quirked in an amused grin. “Yes. It would be a worthy one.”

Violet tilted her head as if she re-evaluated them. “You are a good team. Have you ever found a treasure?”

“We are most likely map hunters.” Thomas said. “We may have found some maps.”

“You infernal liar.” James said, grinning. “We only found one map and an elephant waits for his return for her revenge in Bali.”

Violet's laughter echoed in the warm room. “Call me if you want anything.”

James looked at Thomas. “Tell me, my love. Why did we implant a treasure hunting idea in this young and innocent girl's mind?”

Thomas shrugged. “She's not happy. We chatted a little. She will be graduated from university in this semester. Her major is Geology. Neither her family, nor her duck-headed fiancee, the bartender, appreciates her achievements. We basically gave her a chance to say fuck.”

“So your plan didn't have any evil deeds.”

“Well, Vane would be a bit irritated but if she will find a way to extract the shipwreck within the borders of maritime law in few years, all of us could gain some money. We could not do it while we have an organic relationship with IMO, could we?”

“How did her grandmother own Eleanor's earrings?”

“Eleanor killed in sack of Nassau by Spanish raiders. Woodes Rogers should have had her goods when he had returned back to England. After his disgrace, he might have found himself in a very low position, and sold her jewelleries to someone for money.”

“Do you think she is coming from Eleanor's blood?” James said thoughtfully.

“Who knows? The Guthrie family had to disappeared from the genealogy trees at the end of nineteenth century. They had deeply sunk in shit.”

James sighed. “She's so young.”

“She is intelligent and brave. She can try. Where are you going?” Thomas blinked when James stood up.

“I should give an advice to the young man. Could you find a cab?” Thomas nodded.

Peter stiffened when he realized the auburn haired man targeted the bar and him. Peter was inexperienced, too young to understand the consequences of life. He didn't like those kind of men, so confident and so sure about themselves. Peter didn't care he was limping, his gut whispered that man could savage his throat if he wanted. James stopped as he reached the wooden line of the bar.

“Don't be a fool.” James said to him.

“I beg your pardon?”

“In a few years, she will come here with an unbelievable plan. Follow her. I promise you will have the most exciting adventure. I followed him...” James pointed the Thomas. “and I found the love of my life. The adventure is just the bonus.”

Peter bit his lower lip, he understood what he tried to say, but he had responsibilities for his family. He had sworn to his father. The farm needed him. He wasn't brave like Violet. “I can't.” He whispered.

“I would die for him.” James leaned, his head lowered as his voice lost some octaves. Peter realized all hair in his body raised against the tone of his voice. “I would do it without blinking of an eye. I would kill for him, young man. I would follow him to the hell. If you would not do it for her, then leave her, now.”

Peter could only be able to give a slack jawed stare at his back as he walked off.

“What did you say to him?” Thomas murmured.

James shrugged. “Nothing. Would you like to share my bed m'lord when we return our little castle?”

“You know what, I really hate engineers.”

James laughed, and then kissed his Thomas. He didn't care if they're in public. It was a joyous moment since his husband kissed him back fiercely.

 


End file.
